What else can be done?

For the past few weeks I've been in denial. I've not been thinking that anything is at all wrong with Tomoko and I. I didn't want to face the truth about our relationship.

When I was in my late teens and early 20s I had a long term relationship with a girl named Tessa. She was from Tassie like me and we ended up moving to Sydney together when I found I needed to in order to get a career going. In the last 2 years I felt like something had changed. I wasn't sure if it was me or her that had shifted but something was definitely amiss.

I spent the last year of that relationship unhappy yet not talking about it. Tessa seemed almost permanently on my case, I really didn't love her anymore. The last 6 months of that relationship was, of course, horrid. So why did I hold on so long?

I think there were a few reasons:
o Didn't know what I wanted (do I realise what I'm giving; is she the one?)
o Scared to (will I find someone else)
o Didn't want to hurt her feelings

Essentially I think all of that can be put down to the feeling that I hadn't lived life yet. Just too scary!

At least, that's my current analysis of that period.

I've just had a conversation about very similar feelings with Tomoko. Funny that isn't it?

I'll have to do what I wished Tessa had done.

Say "I'll make it easy on you".